by Hubert
Kitty sits like a person!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
New Hat
by Hubert
I'm at the mall and I see a kiosk of animal winter hats. As in the front of the hat has the face of an animal. Not an entire plush animal on top of the hat. That would be strange.
The female sales clerk helps me put on a penguin hat (there are two!) and koala hat on me, tells me the hats look great, and is asking where I work and what do I do.
"Isn't that odd?" I think. And then I realize these are things women ask when they are interested in you. Or trying to sell you a hat.
The clerk was as adorable as the animal hats, although wearing one of the hats probably helped.
I left the kiosk, puttered around a RadioShack looking for something, and then walked back to the kiosk to buy one of the penguin hats because...well it was a penguin hat.
I'm at the mall and I see a kiosk of animal winter hats. As in the front of the hat has the face of an animal. Not an entire plush animal on top of the hat. That would be strange.
The female sales clerk helps me put on a penguin hat (there are two!) and koala hat on me, tells me the hats look great, and is asking where I work and what do I do.
"Isn't that odd?" I think. And then I realize these are things women ask when they are interested in you. Or trying to sell you a hat.
The clerk was as adorable as the animal hats, although wearing one of the hats probably helped.
I left the kiosk, puttered around a RadioShack looking for something, and then walked back to the kiosk to buy one of the penguin hats because...well it was a penguin hat.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ode on the Generation X
Top 10 Reasons why Gen-Xers are Awesome:
1. Blade Runner
I've never actually seen this movie, but that hasn't stopped me from assuming it accurately defines an enitre generation. At my company's required annual Diversity Training, I was the first and only person to list such qualities as "non-conforming, counter-culture, gritty...like the movie Blade Runner" under the Gen X category during an exercise designed to increase inter-generational awareness. No one added to my statements, but no one outright denied my statements either: win, Blade Runner.
2. Mark Lisanti
www.defamer.com - until 2008*
3. Thriftiness
Growing up, they weren't the recepients of all the guilty peace-offerings and money the Greatest Generation had to offer. Gen-Xers were nourished by oil shortages, stagflation, and the Iran-Contra Affair. Gen-Xers learned at an early age that when 'easy money' monetary policies are combined with strong supply shocks, things can only end in tears. It was the spending habits of the overcompensated Baby Boomer generation that got us into this festering, debt-ridden economy, and it'll be the thriftiness of the Gen-Xers that will have to get us out. All 10 of them.
4. Just a little bit cooler than we are
They were the junior high schoolers who could (almost) slam dunk on the courts when we would watch them from across the elementary school playground. They were the ones orchestrating Senior Skip day when we were still struggling to learn our middle school locker combos. They were the saavy college students reading Nietzsche and explaining to us how college girls are different than high school girls because they wear less makeup...As always, just that much cooler than us.
5. The Wonder Years
Kevin and Winnie. Sooo angsty. Sooo generation X.
6. Michael Keaton
Iconic role model of Generation X. Why? Longsuffering, practical and utilitarian - these terms describe both this generation AND every character Michael Keaton every portrayed (Yes, even Beetlejuice...think about it) Keaton's Batman, in particular, was the guy who fought some crime after a long day at the office and maybe played poker with your dad later that Friday night.
7. Not needing 10 reasons to prove their generation's Awesomeness.
Here's to Generation X!
*That was the end of an era. Albeit, a short and trivial era. And Defamer doesn't even exist as a stand alone site any more. It's merged with the Gawker blogging hive (fyi..and such).
1. Blade Runner
I've never actually seen this movie, but that hasn't stopped me from assuming it accurately defines an enitre generation. At my company's required annual Diversity Training, I was the first and only person to list such qualities as "non-conforming, counter-culture, gritty...like the movie Blade Runner" under the Gen X category during an exercise designed to increase inter-generational awareness. No one added to my statements, but no one outright denied my statements either: win, Blade Runner.
2. Mark Lisanti
www.defamer.com - until 2008*
3. Thriftiness
Growing up, they weren't the recepients of all the guilty peace-offerings and money the Greatest Generation had to offer. Gen-Xers were nourished by oil shortages, stagflation, and the Iran-Contra Affair. Gen-Xers learned at an early age that when 'easy money' monetary policies are combined with strong supply shocks, things can only end in tears. It was the spending habits of the overcompensated Baby Boomer generation that got us into this festering, debt-ridden economy, and it'll be the thriftiness of the Gen-Xers that will have to get us out. All 10 of them.
4. Just a little bit cooler than we are
They were the junior high schoolers who could (almost) slam dunk on the courts when we would watch them from across the elementary school playground. They were the ones orchestrating Senior Skip day when we were still struggling to learn our middle school locker combos. They were the saavy college students reading Nietzsche and explaining to us how college girls are different than high school girls because they wear less makeup...As always, just that much cooler than us.
5. The Wonder Years
Kevin and Winnie. Sooo angsty. Sooo generation X.
6. Michael Keaton
Iconic role model of Generation X. Why? Longsuffering, practical and utilitarian - these terms describe both this generation AND every character Michael Keaton every portrayed (Yes, even Beetlejuice...think about it) Keaton's Batman, in particular, was the guy who fought some crime after a long day at the office and maybe played poker with your dad later that Friday night.
7. Not needing 10 reasons to prove their generation's Awesomeness.
Here's to Generation X!
*That was the end of an era. Albeit, a short and trivial era. And Defamer doesn't even exist as a stand alone site any more. It's merged with the Gawker blogging hive (fyi..and such).
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Internet Is Mean
by Hubert
I was filling out a survey online, and it told me the following:
----------------------------------
You are not at all comfortable and competent in expressing your sexual interest to potential partners. You are not at all capable of figuring out that potential partners are interested in you, and not at all effective at conveying romantic interest to potential partners. In your last serious relationship, it was very unlikely that you:
Felt attracted right away.
Were successful when you flirted using your body language.
You are not at all interested in seeking emotional connection and showing sincere interest when flirting. You find flirting not at all flattering, and do not believe that personal and private conversation is the best way to develop romance. When flirting, it is very unlikely that you are:
Successful
Confident
Able to quickly determine relationship potential
In serious relationships, you are very unlikely to experience a strong emotional connection and sexual chemistry.
----------------------------------
Stupid manatee...I mean, survey.
I was filling out a survey online, and it told me the following:
----------------------------------
You are not at all comfortable and competent in expressing your sexual interest to potential partners. You are not at all capable of figuring out that potential partners are interested in you, and not at all effective at conveying romantic interest to potential partners. In your last serious relationship, it was very unlikely that you:
Felt attracted right away.
Were successful when you flirted using your body language.
You are not at all interested in seeking emotional connection and showing sincere interest when flirting. You find flirting not at all flattering, and do not believe that personal and private conversation is the best way to develop romance. When flirting, it is very unlikely that you are:
Successful
Confident
Able to quickly determine relationship potential
In serious relationships, you are very unlikely to experience a strong emotional connection and sexual chemistry.
----------------------------------
Stupid manatee...I mean, survey.
No Pictures???
by Hubert
I have a plush manatee on my couch and remembered the following:
Once upon a time, I had a girl over my apartment.
I wanted to put my hand on her thigh.
However, there was a plush manatee on her lap.
So you're probably wondering, did I move the manatee somewhere else?
No, I did not. I just silently cursed the manatee.
So before the next time she came over, I had a friend manatee-sit for the night.
The lesson is...you can ask the other person if moving the manatee is ok.
Stupid manatee.
I have a plush manatee on my couch and remembered the following:
Once upon a time, I had a girl over my apartment.
I wanted to put my hand on her thigh.
However, there was a plush manatee on her lap.
So you're probably wondering, did I move the manatee somewhere else?
No, I did not. I just silently cursed the manatee.
So before the next time she came over, I had a friend manatee-sit for the night.
The lesson is...you can ask the other person if moving the manatee is ok.
Stupid manatee.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Colleen's Fables: The Mouse and the Lion
by Colleen
Thunder had been rumbling for most of the day, and the sky was so overcast it was hard to tell when dawn's early light ended and 'just a dreary day' began. That afternoon, the inevitable happened and the clouds poured forth their bounty. An unfortunate field mouse was caught in the downpour and skittered around until he finally found a rocky cavern to take shelter in.
The rain showed no sign of letting up. As he caught his breath and prepared to settle in for the long haul, he realized the ragged breathing sound behind him wasn't just the wind, it was, in fact, a creature breathing. Turning around, he gave a squeak of dismay when he realized the animal sharing the cave with him was a lion.
'Don't eat me!' he squeaked.
'ARRRAAAGHHHHHHHHH' replied the lion.
The mouse realized the lion was in great pain and crept a little closer. In one of the lion's front paws was a thorn. The lion was licking and favoring this paw, but couldn't get his teeth around the thorn at the right angle to be able to pull it out.
'Oh you're hurt! I can help you remove that thorn.'
'AARRRRRRRRAaaarrrrghhhhrraa.'
'...'
'Go away little mouse.'
'No really, I can help.'
'I said GO AWAY.'
'But that thing is obviously tormenting you. It would just take a moment for me..'
'What so as soon as you removed it, the blood flow to the wound would return and gush out and I'd bleed to death in SECONDS?!'
'I'm sure that thing is no where near close to a major artery or vein.'
'What, you're a doctor too?'
'No...but come on, anyone can see how much pain you're in. It would be but a simple thing for me to just reach in and get it out.'
'And infect the whole area while you're at it. The whole thing will go septic.'
'...'
'This is ridiculous. Me, in the prime of my life, thorned in the paw. A thorn! In my paw! How can I do anything now? Oh it pains me so.'
'...'
'I can't roam the fields now. I just can't. What with this paw and everything. I can barely stand! And leading the pride? How am I supposed to that? You tell me? Everyone's depending on me...lead the hunt, watch out for the stragglers, and here I am absolutely incapciated. And if the thorn does get removed? What then, a slow death by infection? A gaping whole in my paw that will shoot agony up my leg with every step I take? AAAAARRRHGHhhhhhhhhhhhagaaaaaaaaaaaghg.'
'Good Lion, if you would just raise your paw up ever so slightly, I can give that thing a yank, and we can use some of these leaves, cleaned off by the rain, to staunch any blood immediatly after. Should make a nice poultice and you'll be back on your feet in no time.'
'Unless those leaves are oleandar. Then I'll be dead in 10 minutes. I read about it. They could be oleandar. Do you know what oleandar looks like? I don't. I guess we'd find out in about 10 minutes though, if we did try your suggestion.'
'...'
'...'
'Have you tried walking and just not putting any weight on that one paw?'
'Using my three other legs? That puts my left forarm in a really, really bad postion. Bearing all my weight in front, I'm liable to twist it the first time I step down. Just a little uneveness in the ground, that's all it takes. Then where would I be?'
'...'
'...'
'Do you want me to find your wife or one of your children, to help you up?'
'They're travelling right now. Far from here.'
'...'
'...'
'...'
'...'
'What's that? What's that sound you're making?'
'Oh, sorry, I was just humming,' said the mouse.
'Well, you're off key.'
'...'
The rain abated as rains usually do: from a down pour, to a steady rain, to a light rain, and then a drizzle. The mouse crept out of the cave and into the fading light of the late afternoon.
'AAArrrrghhhhhh...'
Thunder had been rumbling for most of the day, and the sky was so overcast it was hard to tell when dawn's early light ended and 'just a dreary day' began. That afternoon, the inevitable happened and the clouds poured forth their bounty. An unfortunate field mouse was caught in the downpour and skittered around until he finally found a rocky cavern to take shelter in.
The rain showed no sign of letting up. As he caught his breath and prepared to settle in for the long haul, he realized the ragged breathing sound behind him wasn't just the wind, it was, in fact, a creature breathing. Turning around, he gave a squeak of dismay when he realized the animal sharing the cave with him was a lion.
'Don't eat me!' he squeaked.
'ARRRAAAGHHHHHHHHH' replied the lion.
The mouse realized the lion was in great pain and crept a little closer. In one of the lion's front paws was a thorn. The lion was licking and favoring this paw, but couldn't get his teeth around the thorn at the right angle to be able to pull it out.
'Oh you're hurt! I can help you remove that thorn.'
'AARRRRRRRRAaaarrrrghhhhrraa.'
'...'
'Go away little mouse.'
'No really, I can help.'
'I said GO AWAY.'
'But that thing is obviously tormenting you. It would just take a moment for me..'
'What so as soon as you removed it, the blood flow to the wound would return and gush out and I'd bleed to death in SECONDS?!'
'I'm sure that thing is no where near close to a major artery or vein.'
'What, you're a doctor too?'
'No...but come on, anyone can see how much pain you're in. It would be but a simple thing for me to just reach in and get it out.'
'And infect the whole area while you're at it. The whole thing will go septic.'
'...'
'This is ridiculous. Me, in the prime of my life, thorned in the paw. A thorn! In my paw! How can I do anything now? Oh it pains me so.'
'...'
'I can't roam the fields now. I just can't. What with this paw and everything. I can barely stand! And leading the pride? How am I supposed to that? You tell me? Everyone's depending on me...lead the hunt, watch out for the stragglers, and here I am absolutely incapciated. And if the thorn does get removed? What then, a slow death by infection? A gaping whole in my paw that will shoot agony up my leg with every step I take? AAAAARRRHGHhhhhhhhhhhhagaaaaaaaaaaaghg.'
'Good Lion, if you would just raise your paw up ever so slightly, I can give that thing a yank, and we can use some of these leaves, cleaned off by the rain, to staunch any blood immediatly after. Should make a nice poultice and you'll be back on your feet in no time.'
'Unless those leaves are oleandar. Then I'll be dead in 10 minutes. I read about it. They could be oleandar. Do you know what oleandar looks like? I don't. I guess we'd find out in about 10 minutes though, if we did try your suggestion.'
'...'
'...'
'Have you tried walking and just not putting any weight on that one paw?'
'Using my three other legs? That puts my left forarm in a really, really bad postion. Bearing all my weight in front, I'm liable to twist it the first time I step down. Just a little uneveness in the ground, that's all it takes. Then where would I be?'
'...'
'...'
'Do you want me to find your wife or one of your children, to help you up?'
'They're travelling right now. Far from here.'
'...'
'...'
'...'
'...'
'What's that? What's that sound you're making?'
'Oh, sorry, I was just humming,' said the mouse.
'Well, you're off key.'
'...'
The rain abated as rains usually do: from a down pour, to a steady rain, to a light rain, and then a drizzle. The mouse crept out of the cave and into the fading light of the late afternoon.
'AAArrrrghhhhhh...'
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It's about the fall of the sparrow...
by Colleen
One of my absolute favorite writers is Madeleine L'Engle. She combined science and religion in all her books in a way that made them seamless rather than contrary. And partly because of that, I was inspired enough to pursue a chemistry degree, so I could learn more about God. Well, anyway, when I hear about and read* articles like this and this I have to smile and mentally raise a glass to L'Engle, who wrote about that stuff ages ago really. I do believe she succeeded at uniting her avocation and vocation, as my two eyes make one in sight...as they say. I'm also reminded of what a disservice Laurel Leaf publishers did to The Arm of the Starfish** by marketing it as a summer beach read.
One of my absolute favorite writers is Madeleine L'Engle. She combined science and religion in all her books in a way that made them seamless rather than contrary. And partly because of that, I was inspired enough to pursue a chemistry degree, so I could learn more about God. Well, anyway, when I hear about and read* articles like this and this I have to smile and mentally raise a glass to L'Engle, who wrote about that stuff ages ago really. I do believe she succeeded at uniting her avocation and vocation, as my two eyes make one in sight...as they say. I'm also reminded of what a disservice Laurel Leaf publishers did to The Arm of the Starfish** by marketing it as a summer beach read.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
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